You will notice changes in your children. He is constantly angry, spending most of the day in his room and you are afraid that something deeper will happen. Maybe you have some good advice to blame, such as friendship with someone who has a bad influence or an increasingly stressful school year. Or maybe it seems to come from clear skies, which can be even scarier. However, no matter how dangerous the question is, if your child wants to talk to someone, you have the same answer. “I’m fine!”
What to do I know many parents who try to help their children when they are young. When a child refuses therapy, it can be confusing or even frustrating. Let’s talk about some ways parents can start a real conversation with children who say they don’t want help.
Explain any misunderstandings about therapy
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a baby sit on my couch in the first session and tell me she didn’t know what was going on. They didn’t know what to expect from therapy, and they probably didn’t know why they were in my office!
Young children may have heard the word “therapist” or “counselor” before, but they may not know what it really means. They may think that a therapist is someone who does tests, prescribes drugs or even gives shots. I’ve had a few young children who come to therapy crying because they remember the recent vaccinations and are afraid they’re more and more the same.
Older children and adolescents often have a general idea of what to expect, but their view of therapy can be vague or stereotypical based on what they see in the media. Because older children are mature enough to think about cause and effect, adolescents are often concerned about the confidentiality of therapy. What happens when he shares what really happened to the therapist? Does the therapist turn around and tell her parents? Could what they say in the counseling center cause them or other problems?
Explain to the younger child what the counselor can do (play, talk about feelings) and what not (inject or take medication). It may be helpful to explain what is going on in the therapy room, including the fact that therapists keep certain things private. Older children can benefit from learning the subtleties of confidentiality: they need to make sure they have some privacy when considering counseling. You can also share any information you have about your future therapist’s personality or how you can work with children.
If you are going to explain the therapy to your children, I know what I could say more deeply in a previous blog post about “counseling interview”.
Do not use therapy as punishment for bad behavior
If your child breaks down every time you say the word “therapy,” remember that when you mentioned it. Did you talk about it after a big argument after a meeting or after a bad report from school? Understandably, the bad things that happen may remind you of the need for therapy, but when you talk about the idea of hot weather, it can be a punishment.
When an adult goes into therapy, it is usually a decision he makes for himself. He may feel intimidating or weak at first, but it also provides strength and a form of self-care. On Children’s Behavior the other hand, it is not always the child’s idea to seek counseling. Children sometimes tell me that they feel they have been sent to therapy because they are “bad” and that the goal of therapy is to make them “good.” Instead of feeling powerful, they feel humiliated and seem to be sent to headquarters. No wonder they don’t want to come.
An honest conversation during a quiet moment can change a child’s views on therapy. It will be very useful for your children to hear that you have a hard time. Move your attention away from the child and into the “family problem”, your child will know that you have everything, instead of your child being the only person in the family who needs help.
Even if you are 99% sure of the cause of your child’s pain (bad friend, recent divorce, future state problems), sometimes it will help to talk about what you see. For some children, thinking about an adult is part of the cause of their problems, as if someone put their words in their mouths. By following the facts, you can help your child feel less defensive. For example, saying “I noticed you spend a lot of time in your room” is probably better than “We haven’t seen you since you became friends online.”
Goodmottoblog 